How true....
REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat, all summer
long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies
for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool,
and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter,
the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper
has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
THE U.K. VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat, all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for the
winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs
and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel
is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls
a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel
should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less
fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering
grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his
comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed
that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour
Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper
Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's
house.
The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from
Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural
choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone
rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel
got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an
immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair
share" and increases the charge for squirrels to
enter inner London .
In response to pressure from the media, the Government
drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination
Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's
taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for
failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he
was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt
when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial
aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to
ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food
is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of
society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and
his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has
to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority
takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home
for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to
Britain as they had to share their country of origin with
mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because
of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence
of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately
released because the police fed them pilchards instead
of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return
them to their own country were abandoned because it was
feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise
and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up
the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still
months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles
around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain
the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government
funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their
treatment since arrival in UK .
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during
a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned
but released immediately because he has been in custody
for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation
service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks
he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10, 000, 000
and state the obvious, is set up.
Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation
scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing
asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are
praised by the government for enriching Britain's
multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the
government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections
of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government
to address the root causes of despair arising from social
inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They
call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights
were infringed when the government failed to inform them
there were mice in the United Kingdom .
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking,
the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an
additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses,
their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they
are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of
a shortfall in government funds. (The squirrel also gets fined for not recycling his few remaining nut shells.)
THE END
Blah Blah Cafe, the Jean-Michel Jarre forum
